Then sometimes when He gives you the desires of your heart it’s only for a season.
I remember getting the call. I had an 8 month old baby and twin 2 year olds. It was in the middle of my busy season and I was juggling all the things. At this point my nerves were shot. I was having anxiety attacks and to be quite honest, living with PTSD from my husband’s seizures/brain tumor. One afternoon Nick called from work to let me know that he would be needing to find new employment. His position was being eliminated.
I was blindsided once again and I found myself questioning. God if you are so good… then why? Don’t we deserve a break? But this wasn’t the first time I had asked Him these types of questions. I asked him when we were on the house hunt the first time. And I asked him again when we were going through 7 years of infertility. And again when we experienced two miscarriages. When Nick had a seizure in the back yard. When they found a mass in his brain. And here I was again, always with the questioning. You would think I would have learned by now. Learned that yes, all of that has happened to us but hasn’t He ALWAYS come through? Hasn’t He ALWAYS provided and redeemed what the Devil tried to destroy? And if he provided the house, the kids, the clean bill of health and the strength and endurance to travel all those roads then would He not do the same now? Why is it so easy for me to jump into anxiety and the need for control instead of simply rest in His peace and provision.